So, I've come to believe that sometimes, no matter what you do, it's just NOT your time. Sort of along those lines, "if it's meant to be, it'll be"...
I've come cross that a lot lately. Sometimes no matter how much you want something, how much you put into something, how much time, effort, energy, work, sweat, tears, passion, research, skill, emotion, love, willingness, etc. you put into something...sometimes, it's just not going to happen for you. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you...just the timing of things. It's sort of a difficult concept to grasp, comprehend, and truly accept.
You are not the "Almighty", you cannot change the things you cannot change, sometimes wishing and trying and wanting is just not enough. It's not your fault; sometimes it has nothing to do with you at all. (And by "you" I'm referring to me as well.) :)
Since I'm at a point in my life where I continuously put myself out there, challenge myself, and do things SO out of the ordinary, I do tend to sense this feeling more often than others (I believe). **I may be wrong--but it's my opinion and my blog post...so there! :P ** (Just kidding).
I have to say, sometimes it is an AWFUL, uncomfortable, nauseating feeling...but then I try to remember; "Ash, you're growing, you're learning, you're getting stronger." Even on those days that I truly don't believe it, where I can barely get out of bed in the mornings, when I hurt so badly I don't want to move...I try to tell myself, I AM getting stronger. Every hardship, every misfortune, every obstacle in my way--is just another way for me to grow. Like I said, it's hard to accept sometimes...and honestly, some days, I just want things to be SOMEWHAT easy...but I know, in the end, it will all be worth it.
I'll have earned the awards, the achievements, the relationships, the network, the career, the work, the medals, the friends, the fans, the feeling of accomplishment. I'll have earned it because I've fought--fought through the absolute worst times--and made it out stronger than I ever was before. I may feel beaten down at times (quite often, actually), as we all do...but remember: EVERY OBSTACLE, EVERY CHALLENGE, EVERY DROP OF SWEAT, EVERY TEAR YOU CRY, EVERY ACHE, PAIN, AND MISFORTUNE YOU FEEL...MAKES YOU STRONGER. You WILL survive; you WILL thrive. One day, it will be YOUR time.
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