The importance of this tour was beyond anything I've ever encountered in my judo career. I put too much pressure on myself to perform. I HAD to win a few matches, I HAD to place at a couple of the tournaments, I HAD to bring home a medal (for my own satisfaction), I HAD to win that Pan Am slot, I HAD to win that World Team slot. I HAD to do all of these things because (I thought) so many people were relying on me, counting on me to do so. I HAD to do these things so I wouldn't let everyone down. I HAD to do these things so I wouldn't let myself down. Guess what--I didn't do it. I didn't win a single match until the last tournament. It wasn't until I didn't give a shit about my results, that I was able to perform.
The first two tournaments I was focused, determined, I had a game plan--a strategy to win, I researched my opponents, I warmed up properly, I had my 'game face' on...I knew what I had to do in order to win. I to put too much pressure on myself, I went into each match (subconsciously) scared...because I had so much to gain if I won and so many people to let down if I lost. I was more focused on the result--and petrified to leave with this goal unaccomplished--than on the actual match. I lost every--single--match, even matches versus girls that I should have beaten...until I had nothing left to lose.
It wasn't until the last tournament that I changed up my preparation strategy. I figured, heck...the 'super-focused', 'ultra-determined' fighting version of Ashley the Athlete didn't work the last two weeks--time to experiment. My experiment was this: to see if the way I went into a match (prepared/focused versus relaxed/having fun) made any difference whatsoever in the way I fought and how I experienced the tournament. So the last tournament, my mindset and preparation looked like this:
- I didn't care one single bit about the draw or if I had a chance to make it to the medal rounds
- I didn't research my opponents--I went into the match blind; I had to figure out my opponent right then and there in that instance
- I didn't think about my strategy (my gripping sequences, technique, combinations, movement, setups, counters, etc.)
- I didn't think about judo the night before or the day of the tournament--I tried to keep my mind completely off of the sport; I tried to think of jokes, happy events, I'd let myself daydream, smile
- I changed up my music play list--I found the happiest, most fun songs I could and just jammed out and danced
- I didn't warm up by doing judo--I literally just ran, did situps, burpees, squats, sprints, and stretched. I didn't do uchikomis, I didn't grip with a partner beforehand, I didn't do any movements or techniques that had to do with judo
- I wouldn't let myself get nervous--I forced myself to randomly smile (or think of a funny or a memorable event) whenever the butterflies started to hit my stomach. This kept me calm and focused my energies elsewhere
- In conjunction with that, I didn't have the "mean mug" face; I kept smiling or smirking (I probably looked like a jackass, come to think of it, but I don't care)
- I didn't worry about the match or the results; my main focus was to have fun and enjoy the moment
Guess what--it worked. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe I just didn't fight as tough of opponents--I don't know. But what I do know is that in the third tournament I went 2-2 and took 5th place--I even got to a medal round (fighting for third). The conclusion I came to is this:
I was relaxed; I enjoyed my time; I was able to play MY judo and take in the experience...and guess what, it worked for me.
My mind wasn't clouded with fear and anxiety. I was able to let my body do the work and my brain do the thinking. Moving forward, I may stick with this strategy (or one similar to it). Moral of the story: You can't win if you go in scared. Find YOUR way to relax and be confident in your life. Let me know what's worked for you!